Thursday, August 12, 2010

Behind Closed Doors

Two red telephone boxesImage via Wikipedia
Have you ever wished you had superhuman powers? More powerful than a locomotive, able to leap buildings in a single bound, faster than a speeding bullet?
For the past couple of days I wish I was superwoman, able to scare away enemies, ease hurts and provide hope.
But nope I'm only human, with one heart, two shoulders and two ears. If you were to check the mileage on each right now, you would wonder what the heck have I been doing for the past couple of days?
Being a friend, would be my answer.
I have heard stories of abuse, loneliness, and frustration that would set you back on your heels, from people that I admire and love.
Who would have thought, that behind their closed doors, that wars were raging, hearts were breaking and minds were losing?
I had a person tell me onetime that she hates it when people tell her their problems, because it causes her to have bad mojo. See she feels that if anyone has something bad going on with them, that somehow, someway that bad time will rub off into her life. So she tends to pull away from people who have "bad things" going on with them.
I tried seeing it her way but the only bad thing I saw about that was her reaction.  You can't only be there in the ups and disappear in the downs. You don't get the title of friend by doing that. Makes me wonder what went on behind her closed door that made her forget or never learn what true friendship was all about.
Me being me, I just want to fix the problem. Go in and bash some heads, throw away some trash, lock some fools up. But again I'm only human. That superwoman only lives in my imagination.
So I can only listen, pray that the Lord above will give me the right thing to say when its my turn to speak, end it with "It's going to be o.k and I'm here if you need me."
You spend hours on the phone as they vent, hand them tissues as they cry on your shoulder, show up on their door step with ice cream, save your funniest joke for when their all talked out, tell them the truth even when it hurts, call them to the mat on their bull crap, help them dig a hole in the they have cemeteries for that! LOL! So you worry and plot and pray with them because as a human being that's all you can do really. Sometimes that's all you have to do.
Finding out that your friend has or is being abused, and that someone you love is so emotionally broken that they are making themselves sick, or that model couple you looked up to can't stand each other because the love is gone and divorce is imminent.
Because when you find out what's really going on behind closed doors, it makes you want to find the nearest phone booth.
To bad they don't make those suckers the way they use too.
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Saturday, August 7, 2010

My crush on Steve Urkel

Jaleel White as Steve UrkelImage via Wikipedia
Yep, I had a teenage crush on the character Steve Urkel off the television show Family Matters.
He was a nerd, who wore coke bottle glasses, severe high water pants and suspenders. He also was in love with his neighbors daughter Laura who would not return his affection.
Why? Because he was a nerd, who wore coke bottle glasses, severe high water pants and suspenders.
I was flabbergasted, what was wrong with her? Steve loved her, he treated her like a queen, even when she looked her worst he saw her as beautiful and all he wanted to do was take care of her. What more could she want?
She wanted Stephan- Steve's alter ego. Stephan was fine, cool and smooth. He dressed hip (for the eighties anyway) the total opposite of Steve. Now I must admit when Stephan came upon the scene, I almost fell into that trap too but then I remembered that Steve created Stephan for Laura. He changed himself so she could be happy.
This is where my crush set me up for failure. I grew up with the fantasy that if someone loved you, they will change for you. You know; change those "little things" that irk you. Like clipping their toe nails at the dinner table, leaving the toilet seat up, hanging out with his boys every Friday and Saturday night, not picking up after themselves, telling his mother and sister all your business so now your business is now their business, plays video games all day, the list can go on and on about the once "little things" that you thought he would change but hasn't and most likely won't, so those "little things" have become "big things" that you find yourself screaming and yelling about.
I learned the hard way that love doesn't change anyone. Either their the person you fell in love with or they are the fantasy you fell in love with? Fantasy meaning you walk into the relationship knowing that this person had issues or personality traits that irked you but you feel confident that once he or she falls in love with you, has sex with you,  marries you, that you can CHANGE that person.
It didn't work for Steve and Laura, it became to much for him. He finally just had to be himself whether she loved him or not.
A married friend gave me great advice one day she said "Find someone whose "little things" that seem so cute to you now, are the same "little things" you can deal with for the rest of your life because they won't change."
I can't say everything that I learned from my Steve Urkel crush was bad. He did make me want a man who on my worst days would still say hey beautiful, treat me like a queen and love me despite all my "little things".

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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Not the one

Have you ever been dating someone and you're not getting that umph! That electricity! That click!

And you realize that person is not the one?
Have you ever been not the one?
I can say I have. I've sat wondering what I did wrong, what did I miss, how could this guy not like me as much as I liked him?
Then you see him a few months later with someother girl and you start to wonder "What does she have that I don't?"
And even though you don't want to admit it, she does have something you don't...him.
No really, she does have that umph, that electricity, that click that he was searching for.
But that doesnt mean you umph, your electricity, your click doesnt work, it just wasnt meant for him.
So no, he was not the one.
But someone out there is.