Image via WikipediaYep, I had a teenage crush on the character Steve Urkel off the television show Family Matters.
He was a nerd, who wore coke bottle glasses, severe high water pants and suspenders. He also was in love with his neighbors daughter Laura who would not return his affection.
Why? Because he was a nerd, who wore coke bottle glasses, severe high water pants and suspenders.
I was flabbergasted, what was wrong with her? Steve loved her, he treated her like a queen, even when she looked her worst he saw her as beautiful and all he wanted to do was take care of her. What more could she want?
She wanted Stephan- Steve's alter ego. Stephan was fine, cool and smooth. He dressed hip (for the eighties anyway) the total opposite of Steve. Now I must admit when Stephan came upon the scene, I almost fell into that trap too but then I remembered that Steve created Stephan for Laura. He changed himself so she could be happy.
This is where my crush set me up for failure. I grew up with the fantasy that if someone loved you, they will change for you. You know; change those "little things" that irk you. Like clipping their toe nails at the dinner table, leaving the toilet seat up, hanging out with his boys every Friday and Saturday night, not picking up after themselves, telling his mother and sister all your business so now your business is now their business, plays video games all day, the list can go on and on about the once "little things" that you thought he would change but hasn't and most likely won't, so those "little things" have become "big things" that you find yourself screaming and yelling about.
I learned the hard way that love doesn't change anyone. Either their the person you fell in love with or they are the fantasy you fell in love with? Fantasy meaning you walk into the relationship knowing that this person had issues or personality traits that irked you but you feel confident that once he or she falls in love with you, has sex with you, marries you, that you can CHANGE that person.
It didn't work for Steve and Laura, it became to much for him. He finally just had to be himself whether she loved him or not.
A married friend gave me great advice one day she said "Find someone whose "little things" that seem so cute to you now, are the same "little things" you can deal with for the rest of your life because they won't change."
I can't say everything that I learned from my Steve Urkel crush was bad. He did make me want a man who on my worst days would still say hey beautiful, treat me like a queen and love me despite all my "little things".